The Art of Conversation |
Years ago, when I told a neighbor that I graduated from Westminster Seminary in Philadelphia, she remarked that when she was young, she went on a blind date with a Westminster student. The young man, she said, was extremely awkward. Throughout the evening, to keep the conversation going, he peeked down at a list of questions he had written on a notecard.
The poor guy may not have been suave and debonair but at least he tried. That’s more than my daughter can say about many of the fellows who have taken her on dates. They don’t ask questions. They just talk about themselves. This is the case in various social encounters. Christians should be different. Paul wrote, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). One way to consider the interests of others, Paul also wrote, is to “let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6). What are some traits of gracious, interested conversationalists? Interested conversationalists ask questions. When Jesus talked with people, he mostly asked them questions. The eighth chapter of Mark’s Gospel records 16 questions that Jesus asked people. When you meet someone, ask couple of become-acquainted questions. Most people will appreciate your interest and friendliness. Interested conversationalists listen. James writes, “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak” (1:19). Most of us talk too much and listen too little. We formulate our responses while others are speaking rather than attend to their words. In this area I can learn a lot from my wife. She looks wide-eyed at the speaker, leans forward, nods, reflects that she understands, and asks questions for clarification. Interested conversationalists do not speak at length on a subject before discerning others’ interest level. If, upon meeting a stranger, you hold forth on the classifications of tomatoes, the benefits of the Keto Diet, or the treatment plan for your mother’s carpal tunnel syndrome, I think I know why people have been avoiding you. Try to pick up on cues that your conversation partners offer about their interest in what you’re saying. If their eyes glaze over or they begin snoring, it’s probably time to move on to a new subject. “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Proverbs 18:2). Interested conversationalists understand that conversation involves an exchange of information, ideas, opinions, and feelings. I have told my kids that talking to people is like tossing a tennis ball back and forth. If I toss you a tennis ball, you should toss it back. Don’t let someone throw you ten tennis balls without tossing some of them back. “Consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24). Many of our conversational problems stem from the fact that we’re turned in on ourselves. Because God has loved us, let us love one another, and may it show the way we converse. Peter Kemeny, Pastor Good News Presbyterian Church P.O. Box 1051, Frederick, MD 21702 www.goodnewspres.org |
